paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
