i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
