Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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