Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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