How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Found the puke drawer
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
