are you so shy because you have an std?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
