walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
