Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
