I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
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Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
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I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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