I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
