when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This baby is an asshole
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize