I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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