i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
