We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
