I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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