come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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