Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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