Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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