Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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