worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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