i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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