And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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