when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
