Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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