party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
