I want to stick my p in your. b.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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