were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
