I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
