Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
