Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
