so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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