I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
