Jerry, you need to find god
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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