you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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