Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
