Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
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you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
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What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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