If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
