dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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