If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
