In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
