I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
