Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
