God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
