I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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