would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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