Sry I called you an 8
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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