i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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