Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
