my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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