no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
