There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
