I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
