did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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