Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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