Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
