I swear she didn't look like that last week.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
