you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
