omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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