I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
