I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
