The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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