We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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