We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
