I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sext me about skeletons
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
where are my eyebrows?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
