so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
