Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
