Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
