My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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