Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
