Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
