marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
