I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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