This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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