Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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