my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
