It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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