If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
