i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
