This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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