There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
