sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Can't talk, ducks in the car
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
