yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
