I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
