I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
