How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
