thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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