By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
