my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
